i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
