just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
