My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
