so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
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Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
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I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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