There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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