Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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