Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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