I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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