Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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