Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dick very happy bro
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
