I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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