I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
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All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
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'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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