Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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