Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
