Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
