you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
