proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
