he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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