so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
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You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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