If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
