I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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