I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i've created a new STD.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
