She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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