just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
