I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
