TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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