Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.