wrigley field is MILF paradise
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
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I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
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Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.