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I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
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