dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.