i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
being pregnant is like rehab
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
