why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we made out on top of his cat.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
