evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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