3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
MIDGETS
????
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
