Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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