After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
