Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My ATM looks so different sober.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
