So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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