nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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