I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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