my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
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I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize