There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
