I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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