I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
