he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
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you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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