I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
