'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
