Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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