I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My vagina just clenched in fear
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
