I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
