Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If that was your dad, he is hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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