Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
