in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
