Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
