I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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