She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
