i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
