I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
