He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
