i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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