This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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