Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
