His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
