then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
