ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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