it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
