I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
