If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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