New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
