I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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