I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
