he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
