Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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