also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
