What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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