I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I need help removing her.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
