So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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