8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
