Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
