smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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