She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
