Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
