he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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