You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
