Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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