Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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